Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
