i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
