Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Randomize
