We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
