im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
