Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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