I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize