my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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