the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
