Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
