The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
