Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
