I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
