She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
