how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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