Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
