the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
