i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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