She said her name was "party"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
