My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
