Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
