I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
