I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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