I can text with my tongue
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
