peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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