so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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