A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
