no, he came in my armpit
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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