Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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