ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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