Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
