it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he thought i was a dude.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
