I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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