So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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