Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
