If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
