Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
