respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
