I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
