There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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