Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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