Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize