you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
