Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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