real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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