i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
