i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
