I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
