I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
