How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I need to align my fucking chakras
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
