I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
