We won't sleep together?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Let's paint friendship bongs
whose ass print is on the piano?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
