Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
