There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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