I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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