Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
