Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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