Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
