he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize