the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
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