I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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