Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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