Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
