Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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