No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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