i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
