dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
