im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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