just tell him i said nine months
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
