he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The beer is more important than you right now.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
