I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
