I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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