Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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