There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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