so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
