Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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