We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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