Welp...herpes.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think my moral compass just broke
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
