You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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