Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
