Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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