it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
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