I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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