I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
