it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
