perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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