i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
