idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
