My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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