but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
