It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
