I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
