Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
