I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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