Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
